Are You Ready for the 21-Day Challenge?
by Alexander Green

Would you like to enjoy better health, have a more satisfying job, feel less pain, experience less conflict in your relationships, and live in peace and contentment?

In a matter of weeks - time that will pass anyway - you can have the life you've always dreamed of living. You only have to do one thing.

Stop complaining.

Face it. We all do it. The weather is lousy. The neighbors are thoughtless. The price is too high. The kids are slobs. The boss is a jerk. The freeway's a mess. Etc.

Most of us feel that when we're complaining we're just speaking our minds. Except something else is going on here, too. When we complain we are focusing on what is wrong with our lives instead of what's right.

Studies show that our motives aren't always the best, either.

When we point out other people's faults, for example, psychologists say it's often a thinly-veiled way of suggesting that we are better than they are. We build ourselves up by tearing others down. People with a healthy self-esteem don't need to do this.

Those who complain about the quality of the food or wine at a restaurant are often striving to create an impression of sophistication or discrimination. But it backfires. You ruin your companion's meal and appear transparent at the same time.

Bear in mind, "My steak is over-cooked" is a fact, not a complaint. "I wouldn't feed this to my dog"... well, you judge for yourself.

We also use complaints as excuses. In his new book "A Complaint Free World," Reverend Will Bowen writes, "If you are saying things like 'Men are commitment-phobic,' 'Everyone in my family is fat,' 'I'm not coordinated', 'My father told me I'd never amount to anything,' you are making yourself a victim. Victims don't become victors. And you get to choose which you will be."

Bowen says it's fine to use terms like "Of course!", "Wouldn't you know it?", "just my luck!", and "This always happens to me!", but only when something good happens. Never miss an opportunity to say "Of course" when something goes well for you, no matter how small.

There's nothing wrong with expressing dissatisfaction. Dissatisfaction is the mother of progress. The key is how you express yourself. You can bellyache about how bad things are. Or you can motivate those around you by describing how much better things will be when a bad situation is resolved.

Realize that you create your life with the words you choose. You can describe something as a problem, or call it an opportunity. You can complain that "I have to..." or you can say "I get to..." A negative turn of events can be described as a "setback," or you can call it a "challenge."

Some folks might argue that carping and complaining each day is normal. But maybe you're better than normal. Maybe you can be exceptional... outstanding... a positive influence on those around you.

As Reverend Bowen says, "Complaining should happen infrequently; criticism and gossip, never. If we are honest with ourselves, life events that lead us to legitimately complain are exceedingly rare... To be a happy person who has mastered your thoughts and has begun creating your life by design, you need a very high threshold of what leads you to express grief, pain, and discontent."

For example, you are probably better off than Stephen Hawking. As a young man at Cambridge University, he began developing symptoms of Lou Gehrig's disease. As it progressed, he became almost completely physically disabled. Yet he has gone on to produce groundbreaking research in theoretical cosmology and quantum gravity. Today he holds Isaac Newton's chair as the Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge.

"It is a waste of time to be angry about my disability," says Hawking. "One has to get on with life and I haven't done badly. People won't have time for you if you are always angry or complaining."

If you need any further incentive, recognize that complaining undermines your health. It creates stress in your life. The more you complain, the more stressful your life becomes. According to Forbes, all of the seven top-selling drugs in the United States are for illnesses exacerbated by stress. Americans are so stressed out we spend over $30 billion a year on them.

You may believe you're one of those souls who rarely complains. Or you may feel that complaining is so much a part of your nature that there's nothing you can do about it. Either way, you're probably wrong.

That's why I invite you to take Reverend Bowen's 21-Day Challenge. Try going 21 consecutive days without complaining. (Bowen says it takes 21 days for a new habit to become ingrained.)

Visit his website www.AComplaintFreeWorld.org and order two purple "Complaint Free" bracelets, one for yourself and one for someone you love. (The bracelets are free. There is a shipping charge of 75 cents.)

Begin to wear the bracelet on either wrist. When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping or criticizing, move the bracelet to the other wrist and begin again. Stay with it until you can go 21 days without a complaint.

This is tougher than it sounds. So far, more than 5 million people have ordered the bracelets. The average person reports needing 4 to 8 months to go a full 21 days without complaining.

But the testimonials are glorious. This simple practice in mindfulness has transformed people's lives and elevated entire organizations.

My own purple bracelets are on the way. I'll tell you how it goes at my house. You let me know how it works out at yours.

In the meantime, here's an amusing story from Reverend Bowen's book to put you in the right frame of mind:

A young monk joined an order that required total silence. At his discretion, the abbot could allow any monk to speak. It was nearly five years before the abbot approached the novice monk and said, "You may speak two words."Choosing his words carefully, the monk said, "Hard bed." With genuine concern, the abbot said, "I'm sorry your bed isn't comfortable. We'll see if we can get you another one."

Around his tenth year in the monastery, the abbot came to the young monk and said, "You may say two more words." "Cold food," the monk said. "We'll see what we can do," the abbot said.

On the monk's fifteenth anniversary, the abbot said again, "You may now speak two words." "I quit," the monk said. "It's probably for the best," replied the abbot. "You've done nothing but gripe since you got here."

Carpe Diem,

Alex

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